Holes to Heaven
by spartankukla
Summary: Black. Carrow. Potter. Three of the purest pure-blood family-lines in the Wizarding world. Her destiny was twisted up with theirs and only time would tell who was saving who. SB/OC. M for an eventual reason.
1. Chapter 1

**HI! So this is a story that's been kicking around in my head & I thought I'd give it whirl. Ultimately I don't want to give much away but this will be relatively close to cannon & NOT, I repeat, NOT AU even though it may seem that way at some points in the timeline.**

**Onwards we go, I don't want to say much as it might give things away but be patient & review if you'd like...if not, I'd probably be writing anyways so might as well publish.**

**Blanket disclaimer: I am so very obviously not JK Rowling.**

* * *

><p><em>An' as it blowed an' blowed<em>

_I often looked up at the sky_

_an' assed meself the question,_

_what is the stars, what is the stars?_

Juno & the Paycock, Sean O'Casey

* * *

><p>"No no nooo…<em>melofors<em> turns his head into a pumpkin, _lapifors_ is to turn something into a rabbit. Merlin, I'll never understand this," the young fifth-year murmured to herself as she scratched at her parchment, adding to the already numerous scribble marks marring the page.

Dropping her head to the table in frustration, she happened to catch sight of her watch causing her to leap frantically from the seat and hurriedly shovel everything into her bag before taking off at a run towards the Gryffindor tower before she managed to get herself a detention for being out after curfew. Rounding the corner, she pulled aside a tapestry that would shorten the journey that would ensure she just made curfew only to stumble upon a couple pressed up against the wall, frantically snogging and groping one another.

Freezing at the sight, her mouth dropped open slightly until a furious gray stare locked on her eyes and a cold voice cut through the tension, "May we help you, Carrow?" he asked with disdain.

Managing to pull herself together, her jaw snapped shut, clenching together angrily and her voice steely in reply, "No _Black_," she stated coldly, placing as much venom into his surname as possible, "Just cutting through to my common room – I should've known you'd have a talent for turning a respectable passageway into a brothel."

Trying to shove past the couple, she found her way blocked as Black used his superior height to loom over her, stopping her movement easily as he gripped onto her upper arm tightly, "Unfortunately, this way is blocked." His face twisted into a sardonic smirk as he whirled her around shoving her back through the way she came while the platinum blonde behind him waved a smug goodbye.

Feeling her blood boil, she nearly tumbled to the hard stone from the momentum of the throw. Furiously, she attempted to get back through only to find the passage magically sealed, only an echoing laugh proving it wasn't a solid wall. Stifling a groan and feeling her frustration and anger mount she turned to hurry through the now deserted school, praying she didn't run into any prefects or professors who might give her detention for breaking curfew, knowing the consequences if that happened.

"The nerve of that bastard and that silly bint. If I get detention I'm going to hex him into next week," she mumbled to herself, her steps echoing across the darkened halls. Finally, hurrying up the stairs towards the final stretch of corridor she careened into another body, swearing bitterly as her book-filled bag managed to explode as she landed heavily onto the hard stone.

This night could apparently not get any worse.

Breathing heavily, she felt herself dragged up roughly by the wrist, feeling a tense pressure on the bone as she locked eyes with a pair of dark orbs, "Snape," she hissed, "Let _go_."

"Carrow," he breathed out lowly, "I could easily take points from you for breaking curfew. Bad enough to be a blood-traitor, but a rule breaker on top of it? Tsk, tsk…what _would_ your family do to you if they found out?" he asked with a cruel smile.

Attempting to wrench her wrist free, she felt bile rise in her throat at the thought of her family. Using all the strength of her upbringing, she pulled herself up to her full height of five three, "I said _let go_," she gritted out as she glared stonily into his dark eyes until he dropped her wrist as though burned.

Standing stiffly in front of him, she waited for his next idle threat, knowing it could hold no weight over her as he slowly circled her, robes billowing behind his pale figure, "Now it seems you've a problem: I can certainly make things difficult for you if I should chose to or you can do a favor for me and we'll forget all about this little rule-breaking."

Glaring into his dark eyes, she felt her hand twitch longingly towards her wand in the pocket of her bag that lay a few feet away, "Carrows are _not_ easily threatened nor do we exchange favors," she gritted out, willing him to just leave to she could get into her dorm and get some peace from the insufferable gits that seemed to crop up at every turn.

"I'd be concerned if you were a Carrow in anything but name but alas, the higher the pedestal the harder they fall," he said with a sneer, letting his words linger before continuing, "Tell me princess – just where are you planning on staying this summer? Unwelcome at home, an outcast snake in the lion's den, no true friends to speak of…" his voice trailed off, cruelty dripping from each word as the question weighed over them both.

She turned her head sharply up to his, meeting his eyes while trying to keep the burning fire of anger out of her eyes as though he wasn't even worthy of her emotion, "_That_ is none of your concern. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an exam tomorrow that I must be well rested for."

Dropping stiffly down to the ground, she quickly gathered her things, "Do you think I'm done speaking with you?" he questioned quietly, threateningly.

"I don't really give a shit either way," she answered back softly as she pulled the last book into her arms, "Heard what happened by the lake today – bested by Potter again. Must hurt to always be _half_ the man he is," she said evenly and without emotion though both knew what the 'half' really referred to.

"You say another word about that twat & I'll make sure your siblings know all about wh –" Snape's threat died on his lips as she raised her eyes to meet his again, arching a delicate eyebrow in his direction.

"You'll not breathe a word," she ordered before turning to walk the final steps towards the Fat Lady, leaving Snape standing silently behind her, wondering what had turned a simple night of studying into two miserable encounters.

Walking into the common room, she sighed in relief to see it was empty, the embers of the fire throwing off their last dying glow. In the silence she let her walls drop, feeling the pressure of the past few months weighing heavily on her soul. Rubbing her temples tiredly, she dropped her bag onto the ground with a loud thunk before pulling her hair out of the confines of its messy bun, running her fingers through the curls as she sighed heavily.

"Where _will_ I go?" she mumbled softly, trying to fight the familiar well of tears that were always just threatening to drown her.

"Most go to bed at this time of night, Carrow," a surprisingly soft voice said from the corner of the room.

Her eyes shot over to see Potter sitting on the arm of a chair, gazing seriously into the dying fire. Startled, she eyed him warily, "I suppose they do," she replied back just as softly before reluctantly heading towards the stairs to her room, trying to shake off her annoyance at not having time to be alone and think through tonight.

* * *

><p>"You don't have to go," he said to her, not entirely sure why he wanted her to stay. He just didn't want to be alone right now and evidently the former "Pure-blood Princess" would have to do for company right now.<p>

Surprising both of them, she turned and walked towards him, flopping down into the chair opposite him before throwing her feet across the arm of it as she stared out the open window into the night sky. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in thought while she tapped her foot softly against the stone wall.

"That's really annoying," he said sharply, catching her just as her foot was about to tap once more against the wall. He glanced over at her as he saw her blush slightly, surprised that the lightly tanned skin could actually color in embarrassment. He'd always known her by her icy veneer and the light pink tinge made him feel like the earth had momentarily slipped off its axis.

"Sorry," she mumbled, stifling a yawn as she leaned back in the chair. Her long golden-brown hair tumbled down the side, wild curls catching the last bit of light from the fire causing a slight hint of deep auburn to shine through turning his thoughts immediately to Evans.

Wrenching his gaze from her multi-hued hair, he glanced over to see her eyeing him carefully. He caught her gaze, shocked to note that her eyes were a deep blue that bordered on violet and with a jolt he realized he'd never actually spoken to her socially nor had he ever met her gaze full on.

"Do I have something on my face, Potter?" she asked lightly and he snorted, shocked she'd actually managed some sort of joke. Rolling her eyes, she broke their gaze and returned to staring silently out the window. Surprised at how comfortable it was to sit with her, he did the same, mirroring her position by throwing his feet over the arm of the chair and tucking his hands beneath his head as he leaned back to see more of the night sky.

"When I was little I used to think stars were just holes to heaven," he said quietly as he remembered a simpler time in his life that went out the window the second he realized he was in love with a girl who'd never love him back.

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye to see the corner of her lips pull up slightly as her aristocratic nose scrunched up slightly in confusion, "What's heaven?"

Smiling, he was reminded of how purely bred she still was, regardless of the past 5 years in Gryffindor, "Didn't hit that chapter in Muggle Studies?" he joked lightly, rewarded by a soft laugh.

"You know very well I don't take Muggle Studies, now explain," she ordered sternly, staring in his direction as he immediately obliged her.

"Heaven is where muggles think they go when they die – it's a happy place…I guess that's the best way to describe it," he answered simply, not sure of how to best explain something so monumental.

Intrigued, she sat up before tucking her feet under her, "And it's in the sky?" she asked, tilting her head to the side in thought.

Giving a noncommittal shrug, he sat up too, "Supposedly."

"Huh…I like that idea. I guess I always figured death was the end, ya know? But it's kinda nice to hear this might not be it." He caught her gaze again, struck once more by the depth of her eyes and surprised at the surge of guilt he felt bubbling in his stomach.

"It's funny, we've known each other for five years and I don't think I've ever properly met you," he commented, sitting up quickly and offering a hand in her direction.

She eyed him warily, "I won't bite," he said with a grin as he moved his hand closer to her, "I'm James Potter."

Laughing slightly she gave a small smile as she placed her small hand in his large one, "Astraea Carrow. And I think I've always known you, least I've known about the Potter family since I can remember."

"Typical," he said with a snort, "I've known of you too, of course. Quite famous you lot are – only blood that can be traced all the way back to the Greeks."

"True. Though that just means we've more inbreeding than most families," she commented with disgust at her lineage.

James laughed quietly at her words which garnered a shy smile in his direction, "You should do that more often," he said seriously, noticing the hint of a dimple beneath her smooth skin.

"What?" she asked, that soft smile staying on her lips, barely there and giving the impression to the viewer that she had a million secrets lying within her soul just begging to be spilled.

"Smile," he said with a grin of his own.

At his words, the smile nearly reached her eyes as she opened her mouth to reply.

But unfortunately for James, whatever reply that was forthcoming was cut off as the door to the common room flew open and his best mate strut confidently into the room. The change in the atmosphere was palpable as Astraea stiffened and her eyes darkened to a deep, stony midnight blue at the sight of the dark-haired boy who had yet to notice them.

Standing swiftly, she quickly gathered her belongings, "Night James," she said quietly, lips twisting into an apologetic smile as she tried to make a hasty escape, "Good luck on the rest of your O.W.L.s…"

James noticed she trailed off suddenly as he glanced up to see Sirius staring at her with an indecipherable mixture of emotion, though anger and hatred were decidedly obvious, "What are _you_ doing down here, Carrow?"

"This is my common room too, Black, I have every right to be here as you do," she snapped back, staring him down icily.

James' eyes darted back and forth between the two, apparently forgotten by both. He was struck by the similarities that clearly marked the two as members of the upper echelons of wizarding society no matter how far they'd fallen.

Both had impeccable posture, standing rigid and ramrod straight as they glared at one another and while Sirius had nearly a foot of height on her you'd never know it from the way she held her chin high and determined. Her hair nearly reached the curve of her back and James was momentarily hypnotized by the colors until she moved swiftly past his mate, walking slowly and proudly to the stairs.

"Snakes aren't welcome here, you should've been chucked out years ago," Sirius spat out, glaring angrily at her retreating figure.

Astraea stiffened at his words, hesitating slightly in her path before replying calculatingly, "You ought to look up 'irony' in the dictionary, Black, I think it'd be of some use to that over-blown Gryffindor ego."

The look of fury on his best mate's face, made James wonder not for the first time why the two that were so similar in status and situation loathed each other. Sirius never missed an opportunity to hurt the girl – either mentally or physically – while she tended to act above it all though everyone knew she'd eventually even the score with a well-timed jinx that would never be traced back to her.

Not sure what made him do it, James interrupted by loudly shouting, "Goodnight Astraea!" smiling as both she and Sirius blanched at the noise, "I hope you dream of heaven tonight."

Confused as to where his concern for the girl came from, he felt oddly buoyed by the soft smile and glance of night-blue eyes that met his for one last time before they disappeared up the stairs, leaving the two boys alone.

Still standing staring at the spot she'd just vacated he was startled when Sirius crossed the space between them in two steps and gripped his forearm tightly, glaring down at him, "_What_ was that about? Are you _friends_ with the fallen star?" he hissed out incredulously, fury rolling in his stormy gray eyes.

Shocked, James pulled his arm free, "Padfoot, _relax_. I've said about ten words to the girl. I guess I'm just a bit off after this afternoon…though what's it to you if I was friends with her anyway? She seems harmless...plus not bad on the eyes either."

And it was true now that James thought about it a bit, Sirius would charm any girl that came near him – attractive or otherwise, Gryffindor or Slytherin, skinny or fat, witch or muggle – he didn't discriminate. The only glaring exception was Astraea Carrow who he treated as though she were Voldemort himself. James made a lot of excuses for his best mate's shortcomings and he realized now with a rash of clarity just how cruel his friend could be to a girl whose only apparent crime was her name.

"You don't know her like I do, Prongs." He answered in clipped words, his face a mask of stony calm that James rarely saw directed at him as it was usually reserved for run-ins with his family members, "Just keep away from her, she'll only bring you heartache and pain."

With that, Sirius turned to walk calmly up to their shared dorm leaving his best mate to wonder two things: what the hell had happened between the two to cause Sirius to actually threaten _him _over her and just how he could stay away from her when he kept seeing her smile dancing behind his eyelids.

* * *

><p><strong>So there you have it. Apologies if its a little rough in the beginning as I get back into the HP world!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**A quick thank you to my two reviewers: DarkFireAngel00 & kitsune-miko-witch ...much appreciated & this is dedicated to you so I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

><p><em>I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars. <em>-Og Mandino

* * *

><p>"<em>Ah, another Carrow comes to Hogwarts? Well this should be eas- …oh, OH my my my how I've been waiting for you. &amp; how <em>he's_ been waiting for you. Destiny is tricky – might as well help it along, best if it's _GRYFFINDOR."

Astraea's eyes shot open, the silence of her dorm mirroring the silence that had followed her real-life sorting. Whenever she was worried about her life her mind always replayed the moment it had all changed. The confusion she felt on that day still ricocheted throughout her mind. Some days she could shake the feeling that her entire life was destined to be a joke but other days it blindsided her, reminding her that she was alone with no one but herself to rely on.

Her life had spiraled into a lonely abyss and the sad truth of it was there was no one to pull her back. She'd thought in her first year that person might be Siri – _Black_ – since their situations were so similar but she couldn't have been more wrong. Of all the people in her life who'd let her down, he was undoubtedly the worst and most painful offender.

Sighing slightly, she quietly pulled herself out of her bed and hurried into the shower to prepare for the train ride home, having a hard time believing it was already the end of her fifth year.

_Home_.

Where was that? Where would she go now that she was persona non grata at the Carrow estate? Who would save her?

Trying to brush these thoughts from her mind to focus on the next few hours, she turned the water on as high as it could go before jumping in and letting it stream over her, welcoming the heat. By the time she exited, the bathroom had been transformed into a sauna and she tried to dress as quickly and quietly as possible. Pulling her fingers through the tangle of curls she used her wand to dry it slightly before putting a hint of makeup on. Never one to bother much with cosmetics after she'd been banned from society she did it today more for the slightly elevated confidence it offered, knowing she'd need it.

Although, it wasn't as though Astraea was unaware of just how gorgeous she was on a daily basis without the usual girly preparations or maintenance necessary: her long, soft wavy hair was naturally multi-hued with blonde and brown competing head-on while red vied for marginal attention, her lightly tanned skin glowed with a year-long sun kissed look with a few freckles dispersed across the bridge of her classicly straight nose, highlighted further by her high cheek bones. But it was always her eyes that garnered the most attention, a midnight blue that bordered on violet with light flecks of gray and the outside of the irises rimmed in black.

However, she'd learned at the tender age of eleven that all of that didn't matter because money didn't buy class and beauty didn't guarantee happiness.

Or love.

Or even friendship.

Emitting another sigh, she crept quietly back into the dorm ensuring her trunk was packed for the train before grabbing her bag with a book for the ride and escaping to the common room. Ducking out of the room, she tried not to glance back at the sleeping forms of her roommates, not for the first time wishing she wasn't always on the outside looking in.

"Get it together, just because you have no friends or family doesn't mean you can feel bad for yourself," she grumbled to herself as she hurried down the stairs taking them two at a time as she bounded into the empty Gryffindor common room.

Smiling slightly to herself, she made a beeline for her favorite chair – the same one she'd sat in with James Potter a week prior.

As she settled into the chair, flinging her legs over the side and letting her head rest on the arm, Astraea let her thoughts wander to the popular, gregarious Potter boy who'd never so much as glanced at her let alone spoke to her but had all of a sudden recently been everywhere she'd been.

Potter yelled charming 'All right there, Stray!'s and 'Goodnight Carrow!'s for every day of the past week causing confusion and gossip to ripple throughout not only their house but the entire school. The results had been disastrous to the point she could feel the eyes of her siblings and the rest of the wannabe Death Eater's burning holes through her robes and occasionally actual hexes burning through her robes.

The most irritating aftershock of their brief midnight encounter was his 'humorous' nickname: Stray, indicating a much more personal relationship theoretically than there was in reality. Her outbursts of cold anger had done little to diminish the Potter boy's enthusiasm rather doing the opposite. Word around the castle was the traumatic humiliation at the hands of Evans had shifted his attentions to her.

A brief flicker of disgust passed over her face at the thought – no one in their right mind would fancy her, it was practically forbidden.

Trying to wipe her mind of all unpleasant thoughts, no easy task, she stretched her lean legs out while shielding her eyes from the rising sun. Feeling content and peaceful in the early morning sun she allowed a small smile to play on her face as she absentmindedly began to tap her foot against the wall, humming softly as she enjoyed the last few moments of peace in the place that was for all intents and purposes her home now.

"You've really no idea how bloody aggravating that is, do you Stray?"

Eyes shooting open, she nearly rolled off the chair at the sight of James Potter sitting across from her as though he'd been there for hours. She hadn't even heard him come in but there he sat, dressed casually in muggle jeans and a t-shirt, grinning at her through lopsided glasses, his hazel eyes sparkling with mischief.

Trying to calm her racing heart at his sudden appearance and reluctant to show him just how unawares he'd caught her she eyed him calculatingly and slightly inclined her head in his direction, "Potter."

Potter pouted in response, "Now now, Miss Carrow – is that any way to treat a friend?"

"No," she answered sweetly and he began to smile in response until she continued, "But it's proper treatment for this particular social situation because you're not a friend."

His face dropped, disappointment clearly spelled out across his face. He clearly wasn't a boy who had to limit his show of emotion for fear of reprimand. Astraea momentarily faltered in her bitterness towards him. It wasn't Potter's fault he'd been raised in a loving environment and she'd been brought up as though she were a prized filly, bred and manipulated to be sold to the highest bidder for her pure blood.

But now wasn't the time to show weakness. If anything, now was the time to reassert that she was strong, even though she stood alone.

Standing up swiftly to leave she nearly tripped into his arms when he spoke evenly, "You're quite prone to talking to yourself when you _think_ you're alone…I'd hazard a guess and say no one else knows that about you."

As he spoke, he rose from his chair to circle her appraisingly, using his considerable height in an attempt to intimidate her, "What I wonder is: you know you've no friends, you apparently no longer have a family so then why wouldn't you let someone in who is willing to help?"

Astraea stiffened, feeling the air that separated them crackle with tension, "Help has never been forthcoming nor have I ever felt the need to ask for it," she replied coldly, "'Hell is empty and all the devils are here.'"

"'Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt'," he answered back, confusion only briefly evident in his eyes until his smugness took over, "Never thought the Pureblood Princess would know Shakespeare."

Shaking off his hidden question she retorted, "Never thought Potter the Prat even knew how to read."

"You didn't answer my question," he sing-songed to her, while keeping her in front of him. Glancing up at him she noted his hazel eyes filled with mirth and the thought briefly crossed her mind that he was quite attractive until a spurt of hot-rage took over.

"You never asked one," she retorted shortly before trying to side step around him but found him mirroring her actions, "_Let me pass_." She hissed out in irritation.

The two stood toe-to-toe and while Astraea only came up to his shoulders she managed to hold his gaze with all the force of someone twice his size eventually forcing him to begrudgingly step aside.

Grabbing her bag she proceeded to walk surely but quickly towards the portrait exit but missed a step when he called to her retreating back, "Out of curiosity," his voice heavy with unrestrained bitterness, "Where does someone with no friends sit whilst on a lengthy train journey?" He slowly began to advance towards her, speaking in a faux disappointed voice, "Geez, a bloke tries to do a bird a favor by offering to bring a bit of warmth into her cold, lonely life and she spits in his face in response."

In retrospect, Astraea would admit to herself that it was more his tone rather than his words that caused her to snap but at the time all she managed to hear were the words cold & lonely echoing in her mind.

"_You_!" she shrieked, her previously calm demeanor giving way to her true personality, "Have made a half-arsed attempt at 'friendship' in the past week by speaking two sentences to me on a daily basis after you've spent Five. Whole. Years. Ignoring my very existence!"

Potter's shocked face barely gave her pause before she continued, "This entire bloody school tip-toes around me like I'm flippin' Voldemort incognito, like I'm plotting everyone's deaths at the tender age of fifteen and not a one even stops to think I just might not be so fucking terrible. Believe it or not, I _used_ to have friends. I _used_ to have people that loved me, I _used_ to get to laugh and cry and _feel_ BUT Merlin knows this bloody house and school ripped that away from me the second that foolish, ugly hat spoke his misguided words."

Sucking in air heavily, Astraea found herself overwhelmed with all the emotions she'd kept bottled inside for the past five years, "And that's all well and good, I can handle being alone. I can handle that I've not a shot in hell of being loved or even liked. I can handle hiding my feelings and acting above it all. I can deal with spending my time studying or reading or exploring alone but what I can't handle is you deciding to make me some sort of 'project' now that you seem to have finally gotten it through that big head of yours that Evans wants nothing to do with you.

"So if you'll please, I quite enjoy my own company. And I'll help myself out of the mess that my life is. Because that option is sure as fuck a lot better than being indebted to arrogant, hypocritical prats like you and Black."

And with that final parting shout she whirled around on her heel, escaping from the nightmare that had already become this day.

* * *

><p>James stood in the middle of the empty common room, initially shell-shocked by what had just occurred.<p>

He had no idea the girl had any bit of fight left in her after spending years being an outcast but apparently it was all still there, fiercely defensive and protective down to her very soul.

Rather than feeling upset by the encounter, he began to laugh. A laugh that began in the very bottom of his toes and rose up until he felt lightheaded from the force of it.

Merlin, she was fun.

Years later, thinking back on this moment, he would eventually realize he'd become a bit unhinged. The fight with Lily down by the lake over Snape had caused something to snap in him.

Befriending Carrow was the equivalent of poking Voldemort with a long, sharp stick then throwing rocks at him when he chased after you. Regardless of the hostility between her and her family members, she was still a beautiful, eligible pureblood witch and the tentacles of that life would never be far from attempting to recreate their stranglehold on her.

But James, quite frankly, couldn't be arsed to worry about it.

Astraea Carrow offered a diversion from the routine heartbreak of dealing with Evans and those midnight eyes of hers might drive him crazy if he didn't get to see them more. There was so much hidden behind them and now that he'd gotten a glimpse of what lay beneath the surface he'd be damned if he'd leave it alone. James Potter had never met a challenge he couldn't beat and Miss Carrow would be no different.

It had been a stroke of luck that James had been sneaking back in from putting the finishing touches on the end of year prank and he'd been giddy to find Astraea bounding down the steps, mumbling loudly to herself as she made her way to the same chair he'd first spoken to her in. Hidden beneath his invisibility cloak, he had stealthily moved to sit down across from her, taking the opportunity to fully admire her prone figure.

Now that he'd noticed her, he was unsure how he'd spent the past five years ignorant of her beauty. Already having noticed the mystery of her multi-hued hair and since her secret eyes were shut to the brightening day he'd taken the opportunity to examine her figure that was usually hidden under robes.

He remembered how his mouth had gone dry when he'd started his examination at her trainer clad foot, eyes trailing up the length of lean, sun-kissed legs noticing a tiny constellation of freckles just above her right knee and leading to a pair of small denim shorts. He'd successfully ignored his shock over the fact she owned muggle clothing and continued his exploration to the flowing, pale yellow eyelet top. Unconsciously wetting his lips, he'd given a slight smirk at the sight of her chest, eyeing the contrast between the flat stomach and full – _tap tap tap_.

It was the tapping of her foot on the wall that had broken his spell and he couldn't let the opportunity pass to shock her by carefully removing his cloak before startling her. The entire encounter between the two of them had been invigorating and he felt lighter than he had since last getting screeched at by Evans.

Bounding up the steps to his dorm, he entered into the chaotic scene of the rest of the Marauders frantically throwing clothes and personal items into their trunks. Narrowly avoiding Pete's shoe hurtling through the air, he flopped onto his bed and eyed the scene fondly.

A surprising fact about James Potter was a penchant for organization and cleanliness that was not reflected in his mop of dark hair or lopsided glasses. So while his mates were just narrowly going to make breakfast, he had the chance to smirk at their panic as his trunk and belongings had been gathered and packed over the past few days.

"Oi! What's got that grin on your face?" Sirius shouted from the bed next to him while he struggled to extract a poster from the wall.

Remembering how Sirius had reacted to Carrow last week he kept his mouth shut, giving a casual shrug, "Just looking forward to summer."

"That makes one of us," he just barely heard the muttered response. James could never fully grasp the pain of his best mate. He understood the logistics of being an outcast and he welcomed his friend into his own family with open arms but he doubted he'd ever be able to replicate the pain of being loathed by your own blood. To him, it was just downright unnatural to hate your kin.

But never mind that, he thought, he was practically Sirius' brother now…although his friend tended to be as closed off and secretive as Carrow was. Possibly more so particularly when any question on said girl arose. James knew the two had grown up together amongst their pureblood manic families but Sirius' childhood was, for obvious reasons, an off-limit topic.

"For the most unruly looking bloke in our year, it never ceases to amaze me how you are always promptly packed while we're left scrambling," Remus said with a tired grin, a sign of the upcoming full-moon.

"Yes, well," he responded grumpily at the quip on his appearance, "Some_one_ has to be prepared to set up the entire end of year prank."

"Oh please, Prongs." Sirius snorted, "You just put the final flourish on. Took you long enough too."

Absentmindedly, James forgot to be discreet as he ruffled the back of his hair and his thoughts turned back to his early morning encounter as he shrugged slightly before answering, "Ran into Carrow in the common room."

At his words, all movement in the room stopped and he glanced over to see the furious look on Sirius' face. Oddly enough, similar to Astraea, all emotion was quickly wiped from his face and he managed to say in bored tone, "Oh? And are you still on this foolish crusade to talk to the snake?"

Bristling, James sat up to face his friend, annoyed about his tone as it wasn't any of his business if he befriended the girl or not, "And if I am? What of it?"

Peter and Remus stood off to the side, silently staring back and forth between the two boys. The mention of Astraea had doused any bit of excitement that had been floating through the room.

Sirius stiffened as he advanced towards James, "Don't you listen, Potter? She is dangerous."

"She's a person – not Voldemort." You wouldn't have thought it possible but at his words the room grew even colder and Peter visibly blanched, taking a step back from the two.

Sirius' face was thunderous, gray eyes turning nearly black as he reached James, coming within inches of his friend, glaring down from two inches higher, "You have _no_ idea the pain she can inflict."

"She seems harmless!" James protested, refusing to give into his friend's ridiculous warning particularly without any reason given,

Sirius snorted, face twisting in anger, "You've spoken to her twice. I've known her my whole life."

James gave a disparaging laugh, "You haven't spoken to her for five of those years 'cept to torture the poor witch."

"Fuck. You." Sirius hissed out causing James to recoil in shock at the venom in his voice. "Stay away from her or I'll make you stay away from her."

With those final words, Sirius stormed from the dorm leaving three very confused (and one very angry) boys in silence.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoy this & any feedback will be much appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So I really enjoyed writing this chapter & I hope you like it! **

**Quick thanks/shout out to** **Mai & DarkFireAngel00 for the reviews, you're stars :) **

**As I'm sure you're catching on, a bit of a theme is developing within the story & I hope you're liking the direction things are going!**

* * *

><p><em>There is no easy way from the earth to the stars.<em> -Lucius Annaeus Seneca

* * *

><p>Breathe in, breathe out.<p>

Breathe in, breathe out.

Astraea sat at the Gryffindor table, barely aware of the other students slowly filing in for their final breakfast as she told herself over and over to just keep breathing. She couldn't believe how she'd lost it to James _Potter_ of all people. When she pictured herself snapping under the weight of her world she always figured it'd be either her family or Black at the other end, certainly not the mellow, perpetually happy Potter boy.

Trying to clear her mind, she knew her face was the picture of pure-blood boredom regardless of the fact her thoughts were whirling through her. Taking one last heaving breath she flipped open her book, shielding the cover and contents unnecessarily as the rest of the Gryffindors always gave her a wide berth.

"_The Muggles have developed a system of ingenious transportation in order to propel themselves throughout cities and countries without the use of magic._

"_Within the metropolis of London the most reliable mode of transportation is the Underground – aptly named for the maze of underground tunnels that employ trains speeding below the city. _

"_The average fare for an adult is one pound, although rising fare prices may occur from time to time…"_

Continuing to read, she slowly felt her breath even out and her pulse stop racing as she became engrossed in the practical aspects of Muggle living. So into the words she was reading, she barely noticed the silence that was descending upon the hallway as the noise of a band tuning their instruments ricocheted throughout the hall.

Glancing up, Astraea noticed students turning and whispering to one another, wondering what was going on. Chancing a sidelong look towards the opposite end of the table, she wasn't surprised to see the Marauders looking smug, though slightly subdued, not participating in the questioning whispers but rather their stares focused entirely on the Slytherin table as though patiently waiting for a show to start.

Suddenly the hall fell silent as the entire Slytherin table began to sing in harmony,

"_Is this the real life –_

_Is this just fantasy –_

_Caught in a landslide –_

_No escape from reality…"_

Giggles broke out around the hall at the picture of the group of students, singing perfectly while their faces were twisted into disgusted masks at their inability to stop the words from flowing out of their mouths – the song clearly a Muggle production.

The performance continued until the song hit a solo point and Snape, as if bewitched, leapt atop the table and began frog-marching down the length of the table half singing, half shouting,

"_I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me!"_ his voice rang out across the hall causing the students to break into outright laughter as the rest of the Slytherins sang back,

"_He's just a poor boy, from a poor family!"_ the rest of the words were drowned out from tumult of laughter that echoed across the hall as Professor Slughorn finally managed to produce a counter charm that released the students from their performance although the song continued to ring throughout the hall.

As the final note rang out, the entire school (barring the Slytherins and Astraea) stood on the benches cheering and yelling happily, Marauders included though they took subtle bows to the Gryffindors nearest. Everyone knew it was them but they were far too careful to ever be caught in the act.

Whatever tension had subdued the boys earlier fell away under the adulation of the school and all four boys beamed around the room causing Astraea to roll her eyes at the clear attention-mongering they were participating in. Having remained seated, she returned her gaze to her book but not before she caught the wink that Potter threw in her direction. It took all her control not to let her mouth drop at the gall of the boy – it was as though her earlier outburst had not affected him in the slightest.

Having enough of the rowdiness that was surrounding her, Astraea leapt up from her seat. Carefully stowing her book into her bag, she quickly stormed out of the hall, taking care not to catch any ones' eye. As she moved away from the rest of the students she could still feel a burning stare on her back as she slipped out the door. Trying to shake the feelings off from this already terrible day, she crossed to the wide doors that the rest of the school would shortly flood through.

Taking in a breath of the fresh, warm air Astraea tilted her head up to the sky, letting the sun warm her face. Finally succeeding in clearing her head from the thoughts that had plagued her for weeks since the received the letter. She touched her back pocket gingerly, feeling the smooth parchment that held her destiny within it.

Walking slowly towards the long line of thestral-drawn carriages she aimed for the furthest one, knowing most students were far too lazy to enter that one and her likelihood of being joined was slim. Five years of solitude at Hogwarts had taught her a number of tricks to avoid run-ins with other students unless absolutely unavoidable.

As she continued to slowly make her way down the sloping entrance path, her fingers danced over the paper again. She no longer needed to withdraw it as she'd long ago memorized the words that were inked onto the piece of rich, calfskin with the Carrow family seal watermarked into the center of the page. Her fingertips brushed the edges once more before withdrawing it to gaze on the familiar writing.

_Astraea – _

_You have shamed us for the final time. _

_We will not be expecting your return at the London townhouse for the summer nor should you plan on ever returning to a Carrow family home until you have placed your loyalties in our hands and His. _

_Do not think of this as a release. You will always be a Carrow down to your very soul. _

_We _will_ be watching. Always._

There was no signature. It wasn't necessary.

Remembering how her stomach had dropped when she'd first read the words, today it only strengthened her resolve. She could almost hear her father's voice telling her she was a _Carrow_ first and foremost, as though there were no higher honor in this world.

Astraea couldn't help but disagree.

As always, her thoughts turned to –

The sound of the rest the student population pouring into the warming day broke her concentration. Just as predicted there was a rush to enter the first carriages until they filled up and the others further down the line began to slowly be occupied. Standing in front of the thestral, she pulled an apple from her bag that she'd slipped in for the train ride and began to feed it while slowly stroking the reptilian skin on bridge of his nose, smiling slightly when the beast nuzzled her hand gently.

Wiping her hands clean, she noticed the majority of the carriages were full now and only a few stragglers remained so she moved to the side to climb into her own. Chancing one final glance up the long row she caught the gaze of her siblings' just before they climbed into their own carriage. Alecto gave an evil sneer in her direction while Amycus clenched his wand tightly. Astraea stared back at them both stonily, her own fingers stretching to reach her wand.

Her dark gaze flicked to just behind her brother and sister to see none other than the Marauders noting the exchange. Her step faltered as she caught the look of pity Potter was giving her and she scowled in his direction before disappearing into the bowels of the carriage.

Crossing her legs and tapping her foot impatiently on the opposite seat she crossed her fingers in hopes that she'd enjoy an empty and silent ride to the Hogwarts Express.

As was the norm as of late, luck was not with her.

The door banged open and her eyes darted to the opening, widening momentarily in horror to see Sirius Black climbing in, slamming the door shut and taking a seat across from her.

* * *

><p>Sirius sat stiffly on the bench, staring into the midnight blue eyes of Astraea Carrow. He'd relished the way her eyes had momentarily flashed in fear when he'd entered but now her face displayed only the height of boredom and a slight hint of disdain.<p>

They sat in silence, broken only when the carriage lurched forward. Sirius dropped his gaze from her eyes running along the familiar, yet more mature than he remembered, planes of her face. It had been years since he'd allowed himself to truly look at her and he didn't want to waste the opportunity. His eyes darted around, darkening as they noticed a deep scar just below her hairline that she clearly took pains to hide as her hand shot up to brush her long, side-bangs down across her forehead, tucking them behind her ear. Not allowing his confusion to show, he smirked slightly at the muscle that clearly twitched in her clenched jaw.

He continued his examination, dropping lower to see the gold chain around her neck that disappeared between the center of her breasts and he wonder if it was...arching an eyebrow in surprise at the thought that she'd possibly hold onto such a thing, he trailed his gaze up along her slender neck to return to her stare.

Clearing his throat, he said quietly and seriously, "Stay away from Potter."

"Jealous I might steal your boyfriend, Black?" she asked, delicately raising one eyebrow in a look that was once so familiar to him and was now so foreign.

He knew she was trying to provoke him but he couldn't stop himself – he moved towards her threateningly, gripping her upper arms tightly and moving his face within an inch of hers, "You're poison. He's a good person. Stay _away_."

How she managed it, he didn't know but Carrow rolled her eyes and stared back at him haughtily not even flinching when he tightened his grip, "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle _Black_?"

"You. Are. Infuriating." He hissed at her, "Why can't you ever do what you're told?"

Another eye-roll met this statement, "I spent my _life_ doing what I was told, Black. I won't be ordered about any longer."

Both sat glaring at the other, refusing to break the tense silence any further though Sirius kept a firm grip on her, trying to ignore the smooth skin beneath his calloused fingertips. The carriage finally lurched to a stop and the noise of their fellow students began to flow past them, breaking their staring match.

He roughly shoved her away from him, disgust written plainly on his face, partly for the emotions she brought out in him and partly for the stony mask she wore, "This is your only warning: keep away from my friends. They're my family now. You're nothing but a harbinger of pain."

Shoving the door open, he escaped the enclosed space before he said anymore. He remembered now why he'd acted as he had the past five years. Just the look in her eyes was enough to unhinge him. An onslaught of memories attacked him and he moved on autopilot onto the train, entering the usual Marauder compartment near the back.

He'd just flopped onto the seat closest to the window when a memory hit him like a bludger.

"_Ri, give it here," a pint-sized Astraea Alexandra Carrow pouted up at an already tall ten-year old Sirius Orion Black. He simply laughed, smirking as she stuck her lower lip out further while turning her violet colored eyes up at him. _

"_Now now Lexi, patience," he whispered teasingly as he dangled the package from its ribbon just out of her reach. _

"_Why say you're going to give me a present, if you just plan on being a prat about it?" Astraea said grumpily, crossing her arms over her chest and turning to storm away from him. _

_Sirius smirked happily that he'd managed to frustrate her but the feeling faded into momentary panic when he noticed she really was walking away from him, "Oi, princess! Stop pouting, I'll offer you an exchange…" He knew that would get her attention and he was right when she stopped, long golden curls bouncing slightly in the soft breeze. _

"_Not much of a present if I have to give you something in return," she answered while turning back to face him, light dancing in her eyes as she met his stormy gaze._

_Now it was his turn to pout, "Don't be selfish, what you have to give me won't cost a thing."_

_Tilting her head to the side, she raised one eyebrow in clear disbelief at his words, a look she'd recently perfected, "Oh?" she asked, "And what's that?"_

"_A kiss." He said as casually as he could while hoping she couldn't hear his traitorous heart thudding in his chest. He tried to maintain his air of nonchalance while knowing he'd give her the very breath from his lungs if she asked for it. _

_He was pleased to see a blush creep from her neck up to her cheeks, the constellation of freckles that crossed her nose sparkled in the soft, late afternoon light and when she spoke, her words were just above a whisper, "A kiss?"_

_Sirius nodded, biting the inside of his lip to stop the grin from breaking out on his face, "One simple kiss and it's yours."_

_Her eyes flicked to the package he was still dangling above her head and he was expecting it when she leapt up to grab it. _

_Sirius wrapped his hand around her wrist, holding it lightly but firmly, "Lex! Shame on you," he teased while keeping her wrist in his hand and pulling her closer to him, "Is one kiss from me really that horrifying?"_

_Again, the blush danced across her cheeks and she dropped her gaze from his before mumbling an answer._

"_What was that, princess?" Sirius teased again as he tentatively placed a hand on her waist, trapping her even closer to him._

"_I said 'fine'! One kiss," Astraea finally answered, meeting his gaze once more and he felt his breath catch in his throat. _

_At this close distance he could see the flecks of gray in her eyes, his fascination with those orbs growing even more. Since they were little, he'd always been able to tell her mood based on her eye color. He prided himself on knowing the dozens of varying shades that danced through Astraea Carrow's eyes._

_She stepped closer, placing her hands on his chest and her eyes dropped from his to his lips. Sirius felt his heart pound even harder, knowing she could feel the vibration. Warmth spread throughout him, radiating from her palms that were pressing firmer into him down to his toes. He wouldn't push her though – it was bad enough he was blackmailing her into a kiss, he knew he wouldn't force it if she really didn't want to._

_Astraea stood on tip-toes to reach him and Sirius kept his eyes focused on her, watching as her eyelids fluttered shut as she inched closer to him. He moved a fraction of an inch down when he felt her warm breath gently sweep across his lips._

_And then she was pressing her full, pink lips softly to his and Sirius finally closed his own eyes, focusing on the feel of her lips against his, knowing that if this was the only kiss he ever had, he could die happy. _

_Sirius was the one who eventually pulled away and he heard Astraea sigh softly. He tentatively rested his forehead against hers, gently tucking a stray curl behind her ear. She met his gaze and Sirius noticed her eyes were as dark as the night sky with the flecks of gray sparkling up at him. He pressed a kiss to her forehead before drawing back and pulling away slightly, noticing with satisfaction that she frowned at the loss of contact. _

"_Present as promised," he said with a grin as he pulled her hand into his and placed the package into her open palm. _

_Grinning up at him, Astraea pulled him into a hug, "Thank you, Ri." She whispered into his ear. _

_Trying to put the lightness back into the situation, Sirius gave a short bark of laughter, "You haven't even seen it yet! What if Princess Lexi hates it?"_

"_I could never hate something from you," she responded softly and seriously before a smirk tugged at the corner of her lip, matching his light tone, "Unless, of course, you gift me one of Walburga's mounted house-elf heads."_

_He grinned down at her in response, reluctantly relinquishing his hold on her hip so she could open the present. Inside he was bursting with nerves, waiting for her response. She was good at hiding her emotions from everyone but him so he knew he'd be able to see how she felt about his gift._

_Sirius watched as she carefully peeled the wrapping off the small package before pulling open the leather box, "Oh, Ri! It's beautiful!" Plucking the gold locket from the box, her slender fingers twisted the long chain up so she could examine it carefully._

_Taking hold of the locket so they were both holding it he showed her the first side of the smooth, gold that was dotted with glittering diamonds, "This side is the constellation Canis Major."_

"_So this is Sirius then?" Astraea asked, rubbing the exact star that was his namesake._

"_Yup," turning it in her hand to the opposite side he showed her the similarly decorated side, "And this – is the constellation Virgo, the one your namesake fled to the stars and created. Proves what I always thought…"_

"_And what's that?" she asked, another arch of the single eyebrow as he tenderly placed the chain around her neck, allowing his fingers to linger on her neck. _

"_That you're too good for the mortals down on earth and deserve to live among stars," he answered, smiling as she grinned up at him before continuing, "And you'll probably die a virgin as no man could possibly tame you."_

"_Prat!" she shrieked at him, shoving him slightly in annoyance. _

_He reached towards her, tickling her side lightly while she struggled to get free. Finally managing to break his grip she fled from him, her long hair trailing behind her and her laugh begging him to follow which he happily did, chasing after the only girl he'd ever want to catch._

"Helloooo? Pads?" a voice finally broke through his fall into history, "I think he's finally lost it – was bound to happen eventually – I think the bludger hits have finally taken hold on his mind."

"Oi! Piss off, Moony!" Sirius answered, swatting his friends hand away from his face that had apparently been waving in front of him for some time.

"And he returns from the abyss," James said with a smirk, "Where'd you go on the ride down here?"

Unwilling to reopen their earlier argument about Carrow, Sirius simply shrugged, "Had something to take care of."

"Figures," Wormtail said with a laugh, "Which bird was it this time?" he asked eagerly and Sirius could barely hold back the biting retort on the tip of his tongue. Peter spent too much time living vicariously through his own adventures and while he was normally happy to share, Carrow was his and his alone to think about, to talk to…

Feeling suddenly claustrophobic at the rush of emotions that he'd experienced today, Sirius stood swiftly and stormed from the compartment leaving the remaining three Marauders to exchange perplexed glances at his retreating back.

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer - song is Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.<strong>

**Any reviews/feedback would be so so greatly appreciated! **


End file.
